1lb 14oz Fighter

 I was hospitalized at 25 weeks due to severe intrauterine growth restriction (IUGR) and intermittent absent diastolic blood flow from my placenta to my baby boy. This was my first baby and I had been seen by high risk doctors because I had to be on blood thinners due to a clotting disorder and the pregnancy complications it could cause. Now, at 25 weeks, those complications were coming to light. Now admitted to the hospital, I was regularly monitored. Most days, we'd encounter a decel that took too long to right itself or another issue, which led to an ultrasound and BPP. We'd barely pass the BPP, which would earn us permission to wait until the next day to do it all again. Then, the blood flow issues went from intermittent absent to reverse.

Baby was still hanging in there, so we let him tell us when he was ready. It was a torturous waiting game. At 29 weeks, I had my 2-week growth ultrasound and found out my son had not grown at all. That was the final straw and I was promptly scheduled for a c-section at 12pm the next day (just enough time for magnesium). A couple of hours later, I was put on the drip and set as NPO. The day I knew was coming had finally come. I cried and talked to my guardian angels. I pleaded with my baby and told him he could do this and that he needed to be strong and fight with me. The next morning at 7 am, about 20 people rushed into my room, including an ultrasound tech I had come to know well, with a bedside machine. I was still in a magnesium haze but found out baby boy had a really rough night. He was in distress.

Just minutes later, they whisked me off for an emergency c-section. My son, Riley, was born a few minutes later - at 9:25 am, weighing 1lb, 14oz. He had an APGAR score of 2. They announced when he was out, and the large NICU team took him. I didn't hear any crying. I asked if he was okay and no one answered me. The question hung in the air like fog. Finally, my husband said, "They're working on him." He wasn't breathing and it took them over six minutes and multiple attempts to get him intubated. Finally, the tube was in and they brought him close to my face for a moment. Then he disappeared off to the NICU, daddy in tow. His lungs were severely underdeveloped. Riley spent his 69-day NICU stay on oxygen and even came home with a big, noisy concentrator. He had multiple blood transfusions, one collapsed lung, three minor brain bleeds, a small hole in his heart, and what felt like thousands of desats and bradys, and major reflux issues. We finally brought him home one week before his due date, weighing just over 5lbs. Riley is now an energetic four-year-old. He's our miracle and our inspiration.

Watching a tiny human take on the world with all the fight they can muster is an incredible thing to bear witness to. We're so grateful for modern medicine and for the team of neos, respiratory therapists, and incredible nurses who supported our sweet boy and made medical decisions that ultimately, allowed him to come home with his family. That experience changed all of us profoundly and I'm still working through some of the trauma four years later - but one of the really cool things that happened is that experience connected me to this amazing community of badass women and their fighters. I'm so humbled to have the privilege of learning about all your journeys.