Expecting Mama, New Mama...
Expecting Mama… New Mama...
I've sat in your chair.
You know, the one that you rock in alone, thinking about the things you have missed out on.
The one that hugs you, as your memory reminds you of all the plans you had made for this pregnancy, birth and homecoming.
The one that you sink into as you are left to think about the what if's and why me's.
I've missed my own baby showers.
I missed my own hospital tour, not "knowing" how to give birth as that time was stolen from me.
No maternity photos.
No hospital newborn photos.
No celebratory gatherings around the baby in my hospital room after his birth.
I've missed introducing my newborn to his grandparents, aunts and uncles for weeks and months at a time.
I've missed holidays, gatherings and much more to keep my little one safe.
No casual walks through stores, visits at coffee shops and public places.
For months, we lived in isolation- carrying fear and longing for a sense of normalcy.
You see, I am a NICU parent…
And my first experiences as a mother brought about feelings that I imagine are similar to some of the new mothers giving birth during this unprecedented time.
It was never my vision for motherhood, never a path I chose.
But out of all of those things I missed out on...
all of those lonely days, weeks, months....
I gained so much more.
Gratitude.
For when the time permitted me to have that first visit from a loved one...
Or attend my first family gathering...
I was gifted something from my precious miracle and the situation he was born into.
The knowledge to understand and know how special those moments are.
There were several months that it was "just us"... getting to know each other minute by minute, day by day.
Just us. A time I would never replace.
And for that time... and the time you face now... you can choose to be grateful among the many other feelings this brings you.
All of which are okay.
And you can sit in that chair, and know...however you are feeling...
That you are not alone.