#30Daysof Hope Day 14- Lauren

My NICU journey started when my water broke suddenly and my son, Edison Keith was born 6 weeks premature.

I remember the NICU team prepping me for what to expect once he was born. “He’s either going to come out crying and we will lay him in your chest for a brief moment or he won’t come out crying and we will have to take him right away.” I was so scared. So excited to meet my boy. I am a single mom by choice so I was in for this journey without a partner. So unsure of what was to come.

Crying. He came out crying. I held him for a brief moment and then he was taken to be checked over and to get some oxygen. 5 pounds 13 oz and 19 inches long. They then let me kiss him goodbye before he was whisked away for the NICU and I was left to recover a bit before going to visit him.

I remember being wheeled into the NICU room and seeing my sweet baby laying there with tubes and wires attached to machines and his little body. I remember hearing the beeping of the monitors and hearing him struggle to breathe. I remember the neonatologist’s words say, “we may need to intubate him. I will give him a chance for a little longer.” Come in Edison. You can do it. I held his hand. I put my hand on his back. And then a little later I got the news that he was doing better. I finally got to hold him almost 12 hours after he was born. I couldn’t stop kissing his head. It was the best moment of my life.

He was on CPAP for 3 days and then switched to high flow oxygen for another couple of days. They were having a hard time getting an IV in his hands and feet so I was called in the night to sign a consent form so he could have an IV through a picc line in his belly button. That wasn’t successful so I was called again to be told he would get an IV into his forehead. That was successful but meant I wouldn’t be able to hold him for a couple of days because it was too high of a risk if it fell out to have to put it back in again. Finally once he didn’t need his IV I was able to hold him whenever I wanted. I remember visiting him at all hours of the day and night. Once I finally got to see his face without oxygen and tubes and an IV I fall in love with his little features. He spent a few days on Billie lights due to high jaundice levels.

And then I was discharged from the hospital without my baby. I then visited my baby every single day all day for the remainder of his time in the NICU. He was moved to his own room after a week. We worked on his feeding for weeks. The nurses let me change his diapers and get him dressed. They let me bring Halloween outfits for him to wear. They helped me give him baths. There were so many days of growth and many days of setbacks. My heart was always set on breastfeeding but he was better at bottle feeding. I pumped every 3 hours to be able to feed him my milk. I was exhausted. I wasn’t sleeping. My anxiety was so high. I spent many nights crying in my car in the driveway when I got home late at night only to wake up and do it all again.

I’ll never forget the day the nurse told me he finished his first bottle. I got home that evening and burst into tears prayed that this meant he was close to going home. The next couple of days he was on a “eat when he wants” schedule and he was finishing more and more bottles. I came in one morning and the nurse told me he had passed his car seat test! I was so excited and hoped that meant he would be coming home soon.

Finally, after what felt like a lifetime of 23 days, the doctor looked at me and said, “are you ready to take him home today?” What! Today? Was I really ready? That day went so fast. Talking to all of the doctors, nurse, speech language pathologist all prepping me for life at home with my baby. Finally I was putting him in his car seat and walking out of the hospital. I couldn’t believe it. We were going HOME.

The NICU experience changed me. It taught me to be stronger than I ever could have imagined. It taught me to appreciate and recognize all of the people who check in on you and sit with you during a hard time. It made me fall so deeply in love with my baby. It taught me that my son is a fighter. I’ll never forget the 23 days I spent in the NICU or the amazing nurses and doctors I spent my days with.

You hear about people having babies in the NICU and you think, “oh that must be so hard. I feel so bad for them.” But you don’t truly understand how hard it hurts you until you have to sit next to your baby and watch them fight for their life. My heart goes out to everyone who has been a NICU parent or who is currently undergoing the NICU experience. My son is now 13 months and doing great. You would never know he was a preemie.