#30DaysofBrave Day 2- Jemma

On the 1st of September 2020, my little boy was born. I felt very ill during labor and once my son arrived, the doctors and nurses confirmed we both had sepsis. I could actually see the infection track down the front of his body which was terrifying. My partner and I were beside ourselves with worry, and I was told 10 minutes after meeting my son Theodore that he had to be taken to NICU immediately which at that moment in time was so alien to me. I’d never really given intensive care a second thought, you don’t really unless it happens to you. My mum feels the same way, even upon entering the hospital in labor I didn’t think for one second I wouldn’t leave until 8 days later and have a really sick baby.

This is why I think NICU awareness month is such a brilliant idea and needed in order to prepare people and also credit everyone involved in making NICU what it is, including the families who have experienced it.

The first day is still a blur to me, Theodore was born at 7:32am and after he was transferred to NICU I didn’t see him again until 7pm. His first day in this world I wasn’t by his side. He was having tests, and being cared for and watched over by the medical staff and I was recovering from an intense birthing experience alongside heavy blood loss. I couldn’t stand up, I had a catheter in. I had a sceptic shock not long after Theo was born.

However the ladies on the NICU ward were so supportive and understanding of my emotions, but also the need for me to rest. I wanted to breastfeed, and as soon as I was up walking (within a day or 2) I expressed my feelings about being there for his every feed so they called me throughout the night, whenever he woke, and told me he was ready for a feed. I would waddle down to the ward and the second I was in there I had help with latching, positioning and helping me get him out of the incubator and back in etc. They encouraged me to do mostly everything so I became familiar and of course he was my son so I didn’t hesitate but it was also daunting as these amazing people were experts and this was my first baby. I had everything prepared during my pregnancy, for the arrival of my baby, but I wasn’t prepared for this experience and without the kindness and patience of the NICU staff - I don’t know how I would’ve got through the experience positively.

It was during the high of COVID so my mum and any family weren’t allowed to visit, my partner and I had to take turns to see our son and my partner found it especially hard as I was constantly feeding and Theodore would often cluster feed which meant I was the one mainly in there with him. I was discharged from hospital on the 5th of September but my son had to stay in, so a lady at the ward fought hard and passionately to get my partner and I a room down the corridor from the NICU ward which I thought was incredible. I still remember her name and will forever because she was so supportive it felt like I had my mum there.

I lived a 45 minute drive from the hospital and couldn’t drive, my partner was staying in a premier inn every night spending hundreds and so this saved us so much money, pain and suffering for the remaining 3 nights Theodore was there. Every day doctors checked his infection rate, things I learned were ticked off in a booklet, I met with lactation consultants, amazing nurses and midwives who I felt I was living with and I felt so comfortable around all of them. They took pictures of me and my son. They always let me take the lead, I never felt like I couldn’t do what I wanted to or follow my gut.

It was a surreal experience, in every single way.

However, I am thankful for my sons time in NICU for many reasons. I learned more in 1 week than I did my entire pregnancy, I was aware of things I never knew I needed to know because of the staff giving me lots of information and answering all my questions, my breastfeeding journey has been going on for a year because of the special one on one time I was lucky enough to share with breastfeeding consultants and midwives. My son is the most sociable, bright, happy little boy who loves sounds and new people because he was handled so much and cared for by so many when he was born. I left the hospital a confident mum, when I entered I felt nervous about leaving with a baby I was then responsible for. What a difference a week makes.”