#30DaysofBrave Day 25 - Rowan & Ezra

Bravery is one of the brightest stars in the sky; one that you see and that helps you know you can carry on. Sometimes those stars are symbols of those we love, shining a light on us and encouraging us to do our best and gather our strength when we’re not sure we have enough.

My husband and I have two stars, one in the sky and one now shining at home after a 129 day NICU stay. When our twins were born at 22 weeks and one day gestation, we looked for bravery wherever we could. We found it among the doctor delivering our babies, reassuring us that our babies were born alive. We found it in the respiratory therapists, who literally gave our boys the air they needed to breathe, when no one was sure the intubation tubes would even fit in babies so small. We found it in the NICU nurses and neonatologists, who not only agreed to give our boys a chance at life, but did everything they could to give our boys the best golden hour and chance of survival after delivery. But most of all, we found it in our boys- who also found it in each other.

Our son Ezra died after 20 hours of life, but like a shooting star, he left a mark of strength behind him. Even before birth he demonstrated so much bravery- the bravest baby boy to hold on for more than a week in utero after his water broke early, giving his brother more time to grow. After birth, 20 hours spent bravely giving us a chance to get to know him Earthside before becoming his brother’s guardian angel. Even now, spending each day and star-filled night guiding his brother on his journey to grow and thrive- and showing up for us in ways that inspire us to continue to be brave.

Our surviving twin, Rowan, brought us light when everything else seemed dark. He bravely spent his 129 NICU days doing everything he wasn’t expected to do- rolling (while intubated) in his isolette, weaning off oxygen, nursing, chugging bottles, no PDA surgery, and coming home only three days after his due date- without any oxygen or feeding requirements. His spark showed everyone that 22 weekers can do amazing things, and he continues to do everything with so much intent. He truly shines; through his persistence during early intervention therapies, meeting developmental milestones, and trying new foods, his bravery is never-ending.

The NICU is a scary place. You can feel the fear while walking past each room. But, each room also has a baby with so much light to share, a NICU team with so much strength, parents with so much bravery- whether they realize it or not.

It’s hard to be brave when life seems dark. If you’re ever unsure about where your bravery is, just look up at the stars… Ezra will help guide the way. “