#30DaysofBrave- Day 9- Annalina

“Nine years ago, I didn't know it then but I gave birth to my hero.

When it was 2 months before my due date, one morning my water broke. I had no idea what was going on or why. My pregnancy up until then was picture perfect. Not a problem or worry until that moment.

I remember frantically calling my doctor, the hospital, & husband who just got to work. They told me I needed to go to the hospital asap. My OB was out of town so I had a completely new doctor I had to trust in this process & as they were wheeling me into the "high risk" ward, I started getting so nervous.

Was he going to be okay?

What did I do wrong?

22 hours later, I gave birth to my sweet baby boy.

It feels like such a blur.

He didn't cry.

 I didn't get to hold him on my chest like moms are supposed to.

He came out, I heard alarms, people scurrying into the room & just chaos.

I had no idea what our future held.

Luckily the doctor did tell one of the nurses who had my son to bring him over just so I can see him but it was so swift, I don't remember seeing his face.

They whisked him out of the room & that was it. We didn't get to see him in the NICU until much later in the day & when we did, I couldn't believe how small he was. I was overcome with joy & fear all at the same time. 

I didn't get to hold him until he was 2 days old.

This still kills me to this day.

Every single day until the day he came home, I sat isolette-side next to him just waiting for that time they finally say "he can come home."

It came a few weeks later.

Felt like a lifetime. 

It's been 9 years & it still guts me that I didn't get to have that traditional experience but in my heart I knew that this was just what was in the cards for us.

It's been a hard road because as I'm sure most preemie moms know, the journey doesn't stop at the end of a NICU stay but it's been a miracle watching that tiny baby grow up into a young man right before my eyes.”