#30DaysofHope Day 12- Cala, Tehuti, Mateo & Majik

I'm 18 years old and finishing up my senior year of high school. Hopefully graduating early in December.

Every time I went to my OBGYN for prenatal care they said I was the embodiment of a perfect twin pregnancy. All my craving were fruits and vegetables honestly. Their due date was October 20, 2020. I gave birth June 22, 2020. I was only 22 weeks and 6 days pregnant. Mateo and Majik both weighed exactly 1lb and 7oz.

I could feel that Mateo had shifted farther down near my pelvis and when he kicked it was painful to me. I called my OBGYN and they said I was basically panicking at feeling M&M move for the first time. I had felt them moving before this and this felt different. It felt off and wrong. I went to the hospital to get it checked out and learned I was 4cm dilated and Mateo was breeched. They started giving me medicines to help stop the dilation but within 10 minutes I was 7cm dilated and they said I was gonna give birth that night.

The doctors told me that due to how early they were that neither would probably survive and that I should do a vaginal delivery because it would be easier on my body. I asked if C-section would be better for my boys and they said it would give a .01% higher chance of them surviving while their chances of survival were already 0% but it would be even harder on my body recovery wise. I decided immediately that I wanted what was best for my boys and went under an emergency C-section and when I came too the doctor came in and told me that I gave birth to identical twin boys and both are alive and in NICU.

Our NICU stay was a huge roller coaster ride of emotions. After I gave birth Tehuti, the father, and I were up at NICU every single day. Sometimes even multiple times in a day. Somedays were worse then others. Some days were better. Their skin was still transparent and extremely frail. I hated myself for giving birth so early and have to see them fighting for their lives everyday because of it.

Majik ended up having a surgery at 4 weeks old and they found areas of gangrene in his intestines and had to remove parts. He had an ostomy bag after that. For a while there after that we thought we were gonna lose Majik. Both boys had brain bleeds teetering on the edge of causing permanent brain damage. Both had chronic lung disease.

The first time Mateo was considered stable enough to be held was a month after he was born. I did kangaroo care. It didn't last long because he was struggling with his O2's but I loved every second. At a month and a half after they were born everyone was afraid we were about to lose Majik that even though he was extremely unstable, they put a pillow in my lap and rested Majik on that and let me hold him that way.

Both of them started to progress well. Their brain bleeds resolved on their own. They started to breathe themselves slightly instead of the ventilator doing all of it for them. They started hitting milestones. It was wonderful!!

Then all of a sudden Majik got sick. Fast. Thursday morning he was perfectly fine. Eyes open, smiling, wiggling around. That night he had already had to get bagged 3 times.. They ran a blood culture and found he had an overgrowth of a bacteria called Klebsiella. It lives in all of our digestive tracks and something triggered his to start growing at an alarming rate. It took over his entire body. It reached his brain.. He fought until the following Wednesday night on October 14, 2020 he passed away in my arms as Tehuti held me in his arms. Majik had spent 114 days in NICU.

October 28, 2020 Mateo graduated NICU and came home on oxygen. He had spent 128 days in NICU.

NICU brought us joy and sorrow. Proud moments and discouraging moments. I will ALWAYS be a twin Mama. It doesn't matter that Majik isn't on earth with us anymore. He will always be our son. We will always love him. I've learned that it's okay to not be okay.

One of the many nurses that Majik had captured the heart of had crocheted him a little squirrel before he had fallen ill. She chose to make a squirrel because he was always acting.. well squirrely. Now every time I see a squirrel I smile, and sometimes cry while smiling, because i think of it as that's Majik checking up on me. Like he's making sure I'm doing alright, that his dad is doing alright, and that his twin brother Mateo is doing alright. I know that's kind of silly but that's what I think.

I'm sorry this was so long but I want people to know our story. Every bit of it.