#NICUMHWEEK Survivor Story- AMY

Before becoming a mother I was a social worker.

Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.

Anyone who works in a helping profession knows that it's much more than where your paycheck comes from, it's part of who you are.

Before becoming a parent I worked as a medical social worker in Women & Children, covering the NICU, post partum, anti-partum, and all the units related. I felt passionate about the work that I did, enjoyed being a support system for new parents, and felt like I really knew my stuff. A few years later & a career shift and I found myself being induced at 33 weeks pregnant due to preeclampsia. I was in the same hospital I worked in, meeting with the same doctors I worked with. I even chatted with the social worker who replaced me after I left that role. In many ways I felt like I had an advantage because I knew the team that would care for me and my daughter, and I knew at 33 weeks we had many medical advantages. My NICU stay was emotionally challenging but coped and we were discharged after 17 days. What I couldn't have known was what life after the NICU would be like.

In my previous role as a NICU social worker I would educate women about the signs and symptoms to look for regarding Post Partum Depression. I would tell them they were at risk up to 12 months post partum and to talk with their doctor if they noticed symptoms. I would even provide resources and connect them with therapy or support groups. I had no idea how narrow my understanding of post partum mental health was at that time.

My life after the NICU was shaped by intense "life or death" fears that I had never experienced before.

I started experiencing intrusive thoughts that I would hit my daughters head on something or drop her going down the stairs. I had an obsessive preoccupation about safe sleep, positional asphyxiation, and germs/illness. I wouldn't allow anyone to come into our house, no one could hold our daughter and we didn't take her into public for several months. What's worse is that I was incredibly irritable and started lashing out at my husband in anger. At the time I had no idea that the amount of fear and anxiety I was experiencing was disordered - and I would find blame in other aspects of my life. It wasn't until I went to Project NICU support groups and connected with other Moms that I realized that I was experiencing Post Partum Anxiety - something I didn't even know existed. Unfortunately for me, this was when I was several months post partum and the worst of my symptoms had subsided. I found great support and validation through these groups and my anxiety became less impactful. I wish I had known then that what I was dealing with an anxiety disorder & I could have felt better with the support of a therapist and/or medication.

Now my career has shifted so that I can do work I feel passionate about; I work as a therapist and I specialize in post partum mood disorders.

Over the past year I have completed several trainings with Post Partum Support International and read extensively so that I can support my clients to have tools to cope with various post partum mood disorders (PMADs). It's easy for me to connect with these Moms (and Dads) who are experiencing PMADs because I have been there & now I have more information and education to help them recover than I had myself. The most important lesson I take from my experience is that we don't always know that we are having poor mental health when it's happening - so it's important to have a good support system around us to help us navigate life after the NICU.

With the help of your support system, a therapist or a psychiatric provider there is an opportunity to feel better!