Just like that, I have a one-year-old...
I honestly feel this has been the fastest year of my life, but why should it have
gone slow? My pregnancy was fast forwarded to the end three months early, so why
should the rest of the first year of my daughter’s life have been any different? Some
say the first birthday party is meant for the parents because they have kept their
child alive for their first year of life, but if you have a preemie, that statement
couldn’t be further from the truth.
The one-year birthday party is a celebration of the fight your preemie fought
and proved victorious. These babies came into the world tiny with some being
smaller than others. They fight for every breath since they can forget to take a
breath every now and again. They fight to grow. They fight through obstacles that
are put in front of their tiny bodies. They are poked and prodded everyday multiple
times a day by several people. They have the tiniest breathing apparatuses, feeding
tubes, diapers, and IVs you will ever see, but are necessary for survival. Poppy’s fight
in the NICU was 51 days, which is short in comparison to others that we have met
along the way.
This fight doesn’t end there. For the parents, if you are not sent home with a
machine that monitors breathing, this is the first time you will not hear beeps in
your child’s room so you are constantly questioning whether or not they are
breathing. You also do not have a syringe pumping food into your child so you know
exactly how much they are eating at each meal so you will have to go to weight
checks with the pediatrician regularly to make sure they are gaining weight
appropriately. You have to do this all on your own; you have to help your preemie
continue their fight once you are at home.
A weight check is only one of what seems like a million doctor and therapy
appointments with several different specialists. You feel like you have to add a
separate calendar to your phone or purchase another wall calendar or planner just
to keep up with all of these appointments. But as the year presses on, the visits
become less frequent or can even stop because your preemie has rocked what they
are supposed to do and are hitting milestones so they don’t have to be seen
anymore, as often, or for a few years.
Speaking of milestones, Help Me Grow comes to your house for an evaluation.
Yes more appointments to add to the calendar, but they are a phenomenal group
doing great things for our preemies. They give you a wheel of milestones that you
are supposed to turn each month or few months to show what your baby should be
doing at that point. Do you turn based on birth age or corrected age? Do you feel bad
if they aren’t where they should be based on their birth age? Wait two ages? Yes as a
preemie parent you have to constantly say both because you feel you have to remind
others that your baby came early and yes they are not acting like the typical 6 month
old because corrected they are only 3 months old. This can be a lot of pressure to a
preemie parent, but as you spin that wheel and see that your baby is actually doing
these things appropriately at both ages, it is a sense of accomplishment for both of
you.
This fight keeps going throughout the year. You fight to keep your preemie
safe and healthy and away from as many germs as humanly possible. This includes
missing important family events because someone attending is already sick and you
know your preemie can’t be around that. This can lead to someone being
disappointed in you for not showing up if they don’t fully understand how at risk
your preemie can be. For some they stay isolated in their house with their preemie
or preemies the first year because that is the safest place for them to be or because
they were coming home during RSV season. You question whom you have over to
visit to make sure they aren’t bringing any nasty bug in with them. All of this is
necessary if you have a preemie even if you feel isolated from the rest of the world.
Through the year try your best to make your NICU stay the only hospital stay
your preemie has in their first year of life, but unfortunately even if you are as
careful as possible, things can happen. We made it two days shy of 11 months
without an issue, but unfortunately on New Year’s Day, we were in the ER with
Poppy because of pneumonia. Luckily we brought her in at the first signs of
something being wrong so we caught it early enough that there was no hospital stay
involved, but seeing your child be that miserable and then being held down for tests
and x-rays when all they want is to be held by their parents is the hardest thing
post-NICU I have ever seen or been through. She fought through that illness, got
better, only for her to get the worst cold ever a few days after that. This made it
seem like she just couldn’t catch a break. We remembered what a fighter she is
though, and she did indeed get better.
So now it is time to plan that first birthday party. Again you hear people say
this is a party for the parents really. Seriously? This is a party to celebrate
everything your preemie has accomplished from the time they were born to this
point. It is to celebrate the fact that they lived, they survived, and now they are
thriving. It is to celebrate all milestones they have hit in this first year whether it is
at birth age or corrected age. It is to celebrate the miracle that they are. They did
this and they deserve to be recognized for all of these accomplishments and to be
celebrated. Yes, parents have a part in this, but you want to celebrate this first year
because your preemie truly is amazing! So eat cake, get the fancy first birthday outfit
for your preemie, laugh and take pictures, and enjoy yourself! This party is well
deserved. This was indeed the fastest year of my life, but stopping and celebrating
how great my life is now with Poppy in it and everything she has accomplished in
her first year with those that we love was a fantastic day. Now here is to the start of
year two and seeing what this has in store for us and for our amazing preemie.