Testing Mamas Need for Plans
I have always had a need for plans, for routine and for normalcy. I don’t like change or surprises. All of this is partial to a mild case of OCD. However, being a mom has been a life long dream of mine. When I say life long, I mean ever since I was a little girl I longed to be the best mama to my baby dolls, and I became a babysitter at a young age.
Fast forward to 2016, I met the love of my life and we knew right away we had something special. When you know, you know!
After we married in 2017, we began trying for babies. My dream was to have twins, a boy and a girl. One pregnancy, two miracles, life complete... right?
…Wrong, it took two years to conceive. I’m currently 25, so why was it so difficult at such a young age to have a baby? The doctors didn’t have answers.
Finally, three positive tests and we were ecstatic. Immediately I started birthing plans, envisioning the perfect nursery, dreaming of taking her on walks and grocery shopping with her strapped to my chest. At last, we had all we ever wanted... in February of 2020!
…You guessed it, wrong again.
One Friday night while we had plans to help a friend move, I laid in my husbands truck in some serious pain. After being pretty miserable all night, I begged to go home, only to get sick upon arrival. This “sickness” lasted for about a week on and off. When it was on, it was ON. Severe pain in my upper right quadrant, pain radiating through my chest and below my sternum. Pain so bad it was accompanied by vomiting. BUT, when I wasn’t having pain, life was completely normal!!
I was admitted to the hospital on a Wednesday, they pumped me full of Magnesium and shot me with steroids for Lucy “IN CASE” we needed to deliver early. In case, but we knew there was no way she was coming this early.
Oh, by the way, at this point in time Lucy was below the 3rd percentile in size. She weighed approximately 1 lb at 26 weeks.
By Friday, I’m having a breakdown. Sobbing in my husbands arms telling him I do not belong in the hospital. I feel fine, Lucy looks fine. Why can’t we go home? Why am I on bed rest?
Well, I’ll tell you. The Steroids masked all of the symptoms of Preeclampsia. Friday night, actually Saturday at about 2 am... The pain came back with a vengeance!
Bare with me here because the remainder of our story is a blur to me, I’m telling you what my husband had to explain to me days later.
I was pumped with more Magnesium, and Saturday at 1:05 PM Lucy Abigail was born via Emergency C-Section to save my life AND hers. Preeclampsia turned into HELLP Syndrome, and was very quickly trying to take me out.
We have remained in the NICU ever since.
Lucy is stable, she has done AMAZING in her past almost 8 weeks here. She went from being on a ventilator, a Billie Light, IV’s and PICC Line, a bad Infection... She had it ALL.
Now, she’s 2 lbs 1 oz, on CPAP with only a Peep of 7, and we started Non-Nutritional Breast Feeding today for the first time!! I cried tears of joy when my baby knew just what to do. Lucy is stronger than anybody I have ever met in my life and she has taught me so much already.
Wish us luck for our time remaining in the NICU. We need to grow a smidge more.
Our Nurses have become friends, and they will be missed when we are discharged.
We cannot wait to take Lucy home.
I would be lying if I didn’t say we will miss the NICU... but only a little bit!
-Preemie Mama Sara