30 Days of Brave | Brooks

NICU Awareness Month has brought up lots of emotions for me, the strongest one being gratitude.

Brooks had to be born 10 weeks early to save my life, and in turn his, from severe preeclampsia (one of the leading causes of maternal deaths). Because of this, he spent the first 7 weeks of his life in a neonatal intensive care unit. I used to think we were living in a worst kind of nightmare, driving each day to the hospital to spend time with our baby in a dark cramped corner while he was fighting for his life, our hearts shattering over and over again every time we left him there overnight by himself, in his little glass house. My heart shattered thinking about his little body hooked up to tubes and wires and IVs, in a room without windows surrounded by the constant noise of alarms meant to keep him and other babies alive.

We yearned for him to see the sky, and trees, and birds, for him to breathe in fresh air. We yearned to cuddle him in his new nursery chair that sat empty at home waiting for him.

We yearned to take him on our daily walks with his our dogs, to drink a coffee with him by our side, feeling the warmth of the sun on our faces. I guess what I’m trying to say is that the things we wished for the most were the simple everyday joys that we so easily can take for granted.

The everyday mundane, the things we sometimes don’t even give a second thought to, became so special to us once we realized their true magic and impact.

One thing we did have in the NICU was time. And that’s another thing that has increased extraordinarily in value for us since having Brooks. Time with him became the most precious thing in our lives. Once we brought him home, it started unravelling from our grasp like sand through your fingers. This made me realize how lucky we were to have met him early, to have had those 10 extra weeks with him to hold his tiny hands, feel his heart beat against ours, kiss his soft cheeks and look into his soulful eyes. To sing to him, and read to him, and feed him, and comfort him. To worship him.

It doesn’t matter where we were, all that mattered is that we were. And so, I am eternally grateful to the NICU not only for saving my son’s life, but for also reminding me of the beauty, wonder, and joy of ordinary things and moments, and to savour the infinite pleasure of every second with him by my side.

Life with you is extraordinary, Brooks!” NICU Mama, Irina