30 Days of Brave | Hope

“Our story started in July of 2022 at our 18 week anatomy scan when my husband, Zak, and I went in expecting to see ten fingers, ten toes, and a perfect (third!) baby to complete our family. My husband and I sat in shock and sadness as our brave OB team shared with us that we would likely not get to meet our baby as "something is wrong" with her growth. Words like “I’m sorry”, and “there isn’t much we can do” still ring in my head as the conversation was a blur. A surprise pregnancy, but a very wanted baby...we were shocked. We kept our pregnancy relatively quiet in our immediate family/circle as we braced for tragedy waiting each week to hear our baby girl was still with us. I blamed myself, I wondered what had gone wrong in my body as our girl was many off all the growth charts well below the first percentile, and her fate was unknown. Like many stories shared here, we put on a brave face and hoped for the best each day.

Week after week, day after day, scan after scan, we made it to "viability" at 33 weeks. On October 19, 2022, we welcomed our tiny baby girl safely with the incredible Maternal Fetal Medicine team and slew of doctors and nurses at Hillcrest Hospital. Aptly named for our intense desire for her to join our family, Hope has been our greatest joy and the completion of our family that we are so grateful to have. At 2 lbs, 2 oz, Hope was a tiny package of strength and bravery, herself. Our NICU journey started that day and lasted for 8+ long weeks. Like many of these stories of bravery, my heart shattered each day choosing between spending time with our 3 year old and 1 year old at home, and wishing to be with Hope in the NICU. There are a few moments that have stayed with me and ache in my heart during those dark times. The feeling of circling the parking garage trying to find a space to park to go in and see our baby, the milk stains on my shirt and ice packs melting in the car, and the lack of sleep without a baby next to my side every night are just a few. But among those dark days, the brightest moments of joy and happiness emerged. Our NICU team of nurses and doctors made each day not only tolerable, but warm and comforting. Zak and I decorated Hope’s room full of books and pictures of our family. We smiled and laughed together, we cried together, and made lifelong bonds. Dana, Lynda, Paula, Brianne, Angela, Brooke, Jacque, Allyssa, Kathleen, Dr. Perni, and Dr. Karnati, just to name a few, picked up the pieces of me as the rollercoaster of the NICU rolled slowly down the tracks. We celebrated the high moments - each ounce of weight gained, each milestone of disconnecting from tubes and monitors, lowering the heat on the isolette, moving rooms, enjoying holidays together and sharing in excitement for celebrations or our other two littles at home that were anxiously waiting to meet their sister. 

8 weeks felt like a lifetime, and now, feels like a lifetime ago. We will forever be grateful for the symphony of care Hope received, and the care they provided to me and my family. Zak and I will never forget those moments no matter how big or small, and that our Hope had the best team cheering her on every step of the way. I truly believe the fierce bravery of the nurses, doctors and all her care team have set her up for success today. The NICU can feel like such a lonely place, but it was our home, and we were never alone. We are so proud of Hope everyday. After leaving the NICU, we learned of her rare genetic growth disorder, Russell Silver Syndrome, that explains her small size. Our small but mighty girl continues to receive the best therapies and support and is a happy, healthy almost two year old. She is full of personality and truly, a force to be reckoned with. Thank you for allowing us to share our story; my hope is that our Hope reminds all the families in this space that you are never alone and the best is yet to come.” NICU Mama, Emily