#30DaysofHope Day 9 -Ezra and Rowan Laemmle

They say you don’t know how strong you are until you don’t have any other choice but to be. That’s how I felt when my twins were born at 22 weeks 1 day. 

I had a rough pregnancy from the start with intermittent bleeding and cramping, but everything always came back normal. When my water broke at 20 weeks 6 days, my husband and I were told we weren’t going to be going home with any babies because they weren’t considered viable until 24 weeks. Ezra and Rowan were in two separate sacks, and Ezra’s sack had broken, but after an amnio it wasn’t showing any leaks. I was in the hospital for six days, then sent home, went back, sent home, and finally early Wednesday morning on May 20, 2020, in labor and deliver triage for the third time, Ezra was already in my cervix. It was go time. 

We were fortunate enough to have a NICU team that was not only willing to try to intubate both babies, but was successfully able to do so. Ezra Asher was born at 2:06 PM and was rushed to be intubated. Rowan Shane was born at 2:23 PM after having his water broken. He was born breech, came out crying, was able to have 30 seconds of delayed cord clamping, and nearly wiggled out of the NICU nurse’s hands on the way over to his team. Both boys were just over a pound. 

The boys made it through the night, but Ezra struggled and needed some extra procedures. He was septic, and passed away in our arms the next morning. Rowan continued to do as well as expected for his gestational age and size. Most mothers get to recover after having their babies, and those who lose a baby have time to grieve. We took our time with Ezra, but I still had a baby in the NICU who needed me to be strong, so I was up and standing for hours by the incubator the day after their birth. 

We chose our babies’ names out of liking, but they lived up to their names from the start. Ezra’s name means “helper,” and we truly believe he knew he needed to be born early in order to save Rowan. We don’t know what would have happened had they stayed inside any longer. Rowan means “red head” and also has secondary meanings of “determined, persistent, tenacious.” As his hair grew in it came in red (although now it is dark brown) and surprised his doctors time after time throughout his four month, five day NICU journey. He came home three days after his due date, without any supplemental oxygen or feeding support. He is now five months, eight pounds, smiling, rolling, giggling, and thriving. We know his brother is continuing to help him along the way. 

Before all of this, I never thought I’d be able to lift myself up after enduring such a trauma. But there is no strength like preemie mom strength, and I see the prize every day when I look at my Growin’ Rowan, and as I remember his guardian twin Ezra.