#30DaysofBrave- Day 20- Magnolia

Magnolia 8/1/2019

Magnolia’s pregnancy was a bit different than my first. Having been a preeclampsia survivor with my oldest daughter I was being monitored even more with my second- complete with extra bloodwork, ultrasounds and weekly BPPs. I felt like I was waiting for a bomb to drop all the while trying to mentally prepare for all of the ‘what if’ scenarios in my head. On a Monday morning at only 33 weeks I woke up knowing something wasn’t right. After a page to my MFM, a trip to L&D, being admitted, steroid shots, the dreaded magnesium and a few days later... I was induced. Our Magnolia arrived at 33w6d, fierce and perfect.

Nothing could have prepared me for the beginning of our journey together, as hard as I tried. Especially the big things like:

•Being told at 33w2d that I couldn’t stay pregnant longer than another day or two, if I was lucky.
•NICU doctors and residents prepping me for anything and everything once she arrived.
•Preparing myself to only hold her for a few minutes, if at all, before being taken to the NICU.
•Crying at the thought of not seeing her again for 24 hours.
•The restlessness and thoughts that kept me from sleeping during those first 24 hours away from her.
•Finally seeing her again, but this time in an isolette, under lights and covered in wires.
•My husband and I having to wear a gown and gloves to hold or touch her.
•The long walks from my postpartum room to the NICU at 3am just to look at her.
•Riding the elevator down with a new mom and her newborn going home together as I’m being discharged alone.
•The two long days after that when we couldn’t hold her at all.
•Driving to and from the hospital multiple times each day.
•Trying to be there for every feed and the guilt that came if I couldn’t.
•Racing to the hospital each morning trying to make it before her doctor rounded.
•Praying that she picked up on feeding so we could get her home, but not wanting to rush her.
•Lactation appointments and pumping around the clock.
•Watching other babies her gestational age struggle and code.
•Our 22mo old at home who needed me too.

I  am so incredibly proud of our fierce Magnolia. Nothing could have prepared me for our first few weeks together, but the doctors and nurses along the way made me feel like we could conquer any obstacles thrown our way... and we did. I will forever be grateful for the teams of doctors and nurses at MetroHealth, most especially Dr. Caril, Dr. Stetzer, L&D nurses and our NICU team.