#30DaysofBrave- Day 30- Jessica

After undergoing a stressful round of in-vitro and finding out that 4 out of our 5 embryos weren’t viable my husband and I were cautiously optimistic about transferring our one embryo. We were thrilled to find out 2 weeks later that the embryo had taken and the next 20 weeks were spent on pins and needles as we went through daily progesterone shots, bloodwork tests and scans.

Unfortunately, pregnancy did not agree with me. My dreams of a healthy pregnancy “glow” and prenatal yoga were taken over by constant nausea and exhaustion. It was around the 20 week mark when I started to feel worse.  I was short of breath and I’d get winded climbing stairs. My face and feet swelled up and shoes no longer fit. When a colleague of mine asked if I should be this swollen this early in my pregnancy something clicked and I felt that something was wrong. Fast forward to 28 weeks and my doctor decided to admit me because of high blood pressure and put me on an overnight magnesium drip. When I woke up the next morning my bed was surrounded by doctors who all said that I wouldn’t be leaving the hospital until I had my baby because I had developed severe preeclampsia. Six days after being admitted I woke up in the middle of the night with the worst headache of my life and my BP was in the 180’s. The call was made that the baby needed to come out.

Getting prepped for surgery was a blur… I was wheeled in for the c-section and our daughter, Maren Lee was born at 2lbs and 3 oz. I remember hearing her little cry when she came out and being absolutely terrified. I didn’t even get to see her because the NICU team needed to get her down to the unit.  After surgery I was put on another magnesium drip and confined to bed. It would be 24 LONG hours before I would be able to wheel myself down to the NICU to see my baby.

I remember the feelings of fierce love and fear that rushed over me when I saw her laying in her isolette attached to all the wires and monitors. I knew nothing about preemies and this was my first baby. My husband and I hadn’t taken any classes or even picked a pediatrician! Fortunately, the wonderful nurses and doctors were by our side the entire time and were a constant source of encouragement. Over the next few weeks we hit a few bumps in the road but Maren thankfully had what her doctors called a “low key stay” where we focused on her feeding and waited for her brady’s to subside.

After 68 days we were able to bring her home at just over 5lbs. When I look back on our long days in the NICU I am SO grateful for all of the amazing support we received between the lactation consultants, music therapists, doctors, NP’s, nurses and family.  “Always remember, you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think.” - A. A. Milne.