#30DaysofBrave- Day 6- Shevada

At 20 weeks I had an anatomy scan at my doctor's office and everything looked great! I saw a Fetal Monitoring Specialist (FMS) 5 days later as a precaution due to me having disseminated Valley Fever.

At my FMS appointment, I learned that I had a cervical length of 1cm and was in danger of going into preterm labor. I was told in a very blunt, careless, nonchalant way that at 20 weeks gestation there was no way that my baby would survive outside of my body. My OB agreed with the specialist and neither one had faith that my cervix would hold up and hold the baby in.

I cried for weeks and began to fall into a depressive slump.

At 24 weeks, I was still pregnant, but soon learned that I had no measurable cervix and was starting to dilate.

I was not ready to accept that my precious baby boy was going to be born soon and not survive.

I was admitted to the hospital that day (24 weeks gestation) and would stay locked down on hospital bed rest/quarantine for nearly 10 weeks.

At 25 weeks, my amniotic sac began to leak fluid but only for one day. Over the next few weeks, I had 7 ROM PLUS tests, and all 7 came back positive for amniotic fluid even though I was not leaking. I had an ultrasound every 3 days for 8 weeks to check on baby. Somehow test showed that I was positive for a fluid leak but my fluid levels remained in the high normal range, between 19 and 22cm. My doctors couldn't figure what was going on with my body. I had no cervix left and was dilated to about 2 centimeters since week 25 gestation. The plan was to take baby via induction or C-section at 34 weeks. I made it to 33 weeks before my baby started having dips in his heart rate.

I had an emergency c-section at 33 weeks and 1 day (on my brother's birthday). My baby was born weighing only 4 pounds and 6 ounces and was 16.5 inches long.

Being a NICU mom means asking for permission to hold your own baby and being denied at times because the baby had a rough day.

Praying and crying over your sweet baby as he sleeps in an incubator. Not being able to jump up and cuddle your precious baby every time he cries.

Changing diapers through tiny holes in the side of the incubator.

Singing and giving words of encouragement through a small incubator hole so that your baby knows that you're there.

Not sleeping for weeks because your constantly calling the NICU to check on your baby. Fighting back tears and not trying to blame yourself for feeling like a failure.

Nearly fainting at the sound of alarms due to your tiny baby forgetting to breath and having their heart rate drop dramatically as a result.

My sweet, miracle baby was tiny but he is my HERO, my WARRIOR, my TROOPER (as my daughter would call him). His NICU stay was 24 days.

The day we brought him home was one of the most precious days of my life.

My miracle baby will be 4 months (actual) on September 5th. He is now 14 pounds, 10 ounces and 25 inches long! He is thriving and hitting milestone after milestone.

Never give up when your heart tells you to keep pushing. I feel so blessed every time I hold him in my arms because doctor's told me that I would never get the chance to. My sweet Malychai James