#30DaysofBrave Day 12- Jessica

My daughter was born at 41 weeks gestation, via urgent c-section.

I was lucky to have a fairly easy pregnancy, with no complications. However, when she was born, she had numerous medical issues that weren't found on any ultrasounds.

Our local hospital wasn't equipped to handle these issues, and she was immediately life-flighted three hours away, before I held her, and that still hurts. And I couldn't be discharged from my local hospital because I was recovering from a c-section.

My baby, Evlyn, was born with an imperforate anus - it was too small and not quite located in the correct spot. She has surgery at 5 days old to correct this, and could not have any milk the first 10 days of her life. In caution that passing stool did not damage what surgery had just corrected. My husband and I listened to our baby scream in pain from surgery, and her urge to nurse. (She was on an IV to help give her nutrients at least).

She then, needed surgery a few months later, seven hours away from where we lived because she was born with a tethered spinal cord, and we found ourselves in the NICU again, as she recovered. This could of affected bathroom control and walking - but luckily, hers was minor and she should have a pretty normal life.

Her birth was traumatizing, to say the least - it's been almost a year and I'm still emotional about it. I will never be able to explain the feeling of seeing your baby go through two surgeries, hooked up to tubes and wires. And not being able to pick them up and hold them whenever you want. You question everything: why did this happen? Did I do something wrong?
I think what is most important to know, is that the NICU is a dark, scary place but it doesn't end when you leave. Many of us walk away with many unanswered questions, and having to be a nurse at home, when all you want to do is just be their mom..And the emotional exhaustion of taking care of a newborn with medical needs, but trying to also do it through exhaustion, isolation, and depression.
The NICU was the hardest thing I've ever been through- it is terrifying and helpless. But along the way, the nurses, doctors, and surgeons help shed light, little by little. It takes an incredible, and strong parents to go through the NICU, and an amazing person to work in it. As our nurse manager said, "My wife and I don't have any kids of our own, because all these babies in the NICU are my kids."
For anyone in the NICU: I hear you. I feel you. I think of you. This moment is not forever, this feeling is not forever. You and your baby will get through this, and you will be okay. Stay strong warriors.

Thank you for letting us shed light to our slightly unconventional NICU story, and to bring awareness to the rare medical conditions we faced.