#30DaysofBrave- Laynie and Julian

"Julian was due October 28th and made his appearance on August 10th as a 28 weeker. He was 3 pounds, 1 oz and 2 pounds, 6 oz at his smallest. I had NO idea what to expect with any of it. I did not know that I wouldn't be able to hold my baby for a week and only for short periods at a time. I honestly don't know exactly when reality hit that the nicu would be our home for so long. He was doing so great the first week and they had weaned him off cpap onto a nasal cannula. I thought "we will be home in no time". Cut to 3 months later and finally being discharged on November 4th.

Julian struggled to get off of oxygen and had issues with bradying down. He also ended up with a UTI related to a urachral remnant. He had multiple IVs placed, ultrasounds and just a plethora of blood tests. At one point, they were trying to rule out an autoimmune disease that we read most babies don't survive past 2 years old. Thankfully, this was not the case but the unknown was terrifying. I knew that things could be so much worse and I tried to remind myself of this everyday. I will never forget watching nurses run into a room next to ours and just praying. Praying for the baby in the next room and thanking God that nurses weren't running into our room. But even though I knew that it could be worse, I still struggled. My husband and I were the only ones able to visit due to COVID protocols. He was working full time, I was working part time and we have 2 cats and a dog at home. That basically meant divide and conquer (as well as relying on my amazing parents), which also meant alot of lonely days and nights. In the middle of October, I fractured a bone in my knee after one of our favorite nicu nurses told us we needed to get out and spend some time together. We decided to ride the electric scooters that were everywhere and clearly that was a horrible idea. I became "the mom with crutches" as I could not put weight on my leg. I truly did not think the nicu days would end. The night before discharge, my husband and I were anxiety ridden. I was so scared he would brady again and restart our 3 day countdown. Thankfully, that brady never came and we finally got to go home.

The NICU taught us many things and left us with a different perspective of parenthood. I try not to think about the nicu too much because I will honestly just begin crying. I look at my baby and feel a sense of admiration. He will never remember the nicu (thank God) but still the way he fought everyday. He fought to keep his heart rate up, to breathe by himself, to start eating, to fight infection, etc.

We were blessed with amazing nurses who made the hard times easier. I don't know how they do it. We would thank them and they would say "it's my job". But what they don't understand is that to us parents, it is so much more than that. The comfort that they provided us is unable to be described.

To new NICU parents: Hang in there. You will leave, even on days that it doesn't seem like you will. Continue to have faith in your little fighter because they may be small, but they are truly mighty.

And thank you to Project NICU for providing the services that you do. I came in from a long day of working to a gift package for Julian and I. It truly made me feel acknowledged and made me realize that support is out there."

Thank you so much for sharing Julian's story with us and we are grateful and we could play a small role in comfort in your NICU journey and the NICU journey of so many other families.

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