#30DaysofHope Day 18- Aideen

The past 5 years have been filled with heartache, endless tests and IVF cycles as we struggled to achieve what comes so easily to others. Finally, our seventh IVF transfer was a success and just a few weeks after seeing those long-awaited for lines on a pregnancy test, I found out we were expecting twins. I thought once I got pregnant, things would be easier. However, after a difficult pregnancy, pre-eclampsia and an emergency C-section under general anesthetic, our babies arrived at just 30 weeks. What followed was weeks spent in the NICU of two hospitals.

Initially, things were going well. Both babies were making progress and we were counting down the days until we got to bring them home. However, Eoin contracted NEC. He seemingly started to get better before we were told he needed emergency surgery. A week later, he was back in theatre again but this time we were met with the words: "There is nothing we can do". In that second, I couldn't breathe. I couldn't understand how our little boy, so full of life and fight could be taken from us.

Just a couple of days later, Eoin took his last breath. And a few days after that, we brought his sister Lucia home.

The loss of a twin is a whole new type of grief. It’s hard to describe. My heart is broken yet I feel joy everytime I look at at Lucia. I needed to be strong for her at a time in my life when it was all I could do not to crumble.

Lucia is now 6 weeks corrected & she's thriving. She's a happy, smiley, content little baby and I have no doubt that some of Eoin's strength will live on in her.

Our NICU experience was far from perfect (is anyone's?) but I still have nothing but admiration for the people who work there. It takes a special kind of person to devote their career to caring for such tiny, precious little lives.

I never imagined we'd end up in NICU or that things would go the way they did. They say a traumatic life experience changes a person & I definitely left the unit a different person than when I arrived. Watching your babies fight for their lives & grow against all odds will do that to you.

Aideen