5 Years of Joy - Norah

" It’s been 5 years, but each time March rolls around I am transported back to the memories of our daughter, Norah’s birth at 28 weeks, 3 days.

At my routine 28 week pre-natal appointment with my OBGYN (at 27 weeks, 5 days), I saw the nurse’s hands shake as she rechecked my blood pressure for the third time. I looked at my husband and I knew something was very wrong even though I felt perfectly fine. “Let me go grab the doctor. I’ll be right back.” she said. “Tell me, what was it?” I asked. “185/99. I checked it 3 times.” In that moment I knew that I would not be returning back to work, home, or our everyday life. I was overwhelmed with so much fear because I was not ready to have our baby and I wondered how she was doing if my blood pressure was so high.

After a visit with my doctor, we drove to the hospital and I was admitted immediately. I was started on an IV with labetalol and it was the beginning of days where doctors struggled to lower my blood pressure. I was diagnosed with pre-eclampsia with severe features after I was admitted due to an unrelenting high blood pressure readings. The neonatologist advised that we would take it day by day and that my main goal was to stay pregnant so that our baby could have more time for her lungs to develop. I was advised that health outcomes were much better for babies that could reach the 28 week mark so that was our short-term goal. I wanted to reach that milestone with every ounce of my being and we did. Throughout my hospital stay for the next 5 days, my blood pressure remained very high despite all of the different medications and dosages that doctors tried. Thankfully, Norah was stable up until the day that she was born on March 30th at 12:34pm via emergency c-section. 3 lbs, 2.6 oz, blue eyes, strawberry blond fuzz on top of her head, and the tiniest hands I had ever seen.

During her delivery, we heard Norah’s tiny, but strong cry and life has never been the same since. After her delivery, I was wheeled into the NICU in a recovery stretcher and touched her tiny foot for the first time. The nurses all whispered around me, “That’s Norah’s Mom! Norah’s Mom is here!” and came over to introduce themselves and told me that she was doing so incredibly well for being only 28 weeks. Norah’s entire medical team was so incredibly kind, warm, and supportive. The first few days I remember just sitting next to her isolette sobbing with a nurse standing with me, her hand on my back. I was still feeling so sick from the pre-eclampisa and I struggled with getting my blood pressure to return to normal for weeks following her birth. Norah and I both spent Easter Sunday in the hospital. Her under the blue jaundice light in her isolette and me in my room watching her on the mobile NICU app on my phone since I was too sick to make it into visit with her for more than an hour at a time. I felt so sad that she was away from us and that she could not come home with us when I was discharged 6 days after her birth. It was so incredibly difficult to leave her at the end of the day and my husband had to balance working and coming to visit her each day. Our bond as parents and husband and wife became stronger than ever. We also were so unprepared at home because we had not even had my baby shower yet. As first time parents we didn’t have her nursery ready yet at home and struggled to find time to prepare at home in between driving to the NICU each day. The nurses at the NICU were so amazing and I will forever be so thankful for the amazing care they gave to Norah and the support they gave to us as new parents. They became like a second family to us during Norah’s NICU stay.

We have so many memories from the NICU. Memories of our hearts racing during Norah’s apneas and bradycardias where the machines would beep until she started breathing again. Memories of Norah coming out of her isolette for the first time. The first time I held her on my chest in kangaroo care. Bringing share squares (pieces of fabric we would wear when we were not in the NICU so that they could be placed in her isollete, giving her the comfort of our scent when we were away) and pumping every 2 hours to give her breastmilk so she could grow. Memories of giving her sponge baths, working with her physical therapist, or crying when she had her to go through any kind of test. Memories of sharing sad, tired smiles with other parents in the NICU visiting their babies, knowing that we were not alone. These memories are bittersweet because we truly got to know and bond with Norah so deeply during her time in the NICU. Our connection was and still is so unique. We watched her fight for life in those early days and it gave us an appreciation for her life that words cannot even describe.

Norah was discharged from the NICU after 7 weeks which was 51 days or 73,000 minutes that our hearts ached to bring her home. The first two weeks of caring for Norah at home were some of the most beautiful, but terrifying days. We read her books, rocked her in her nursery, sang to her, and she got to meet her puppy, Reese. Family was able to visit and hold her without her being hooked up to so many wires. Our family was so loving and supportive and we could not have gotten through this experience without them. Norah had an apnea on her changing table the first week she was home and I had to tap her back until she started breathing again. This experience was very traumatic for me since I was the one who was changing her at the time and noticed the gray color on her face. Her pediatrician assured us that she was healthy and that this was just a random incident due to her lungs still being premature. Afterwards, I experienced extreme anxiety and PTSD which triggered all of the trauma from Norah’s emergency c-section to resurface. I would worry and was scared that she would stop breathing at any moment even though she was doing well following the apnea. Individual therapy, connecting with other NICU mothers, time, and writing poetry helped me heal from this trauma and I was able to overcome these feelings.

Later this month Norah will celebrate her 5th birthday. She is so smart, kind, curious, and beautiful. She has a spark that ignites joy in everyone that she meets. She is truly a miracle and we are so honored to have this privilege to watch her grow and be her parents. She is the strongest, bravest person we have ever met." - NICU Mom, Suzanne