Black Mom...must be a smoker

When I was 20 weeks, I went in for an ultrasound and found that my little one was small for gestational age. My doctor decided to schedule me for another ultrasound at 24 weeks to see if he would catch up, he didn’t. At that time I was referred to maternal fetal medicine where they’d do a more in depth examination. My first appointment wasn’t bad, I met with the PA after my ultrasound where I was told he was in the 10th percentile, I was instructed to visit my OB twice a week for NSTs until my next appointments with them.

I go back to them at 30 weeks which was the day before thanksgiving and am told my little one was now in the 2nd percentile. I was already stressed about my little ones growth but then I met with the doctor and everything changed. Up to that point my contact with medical professionals during my pregnancy had been positive.

He comes in and says, “Your baby is small because you smoke!” I kindly corrected him that I don’t smoke and wasn’t a smoker prior to getting pregnant. He proceeded to tell me that there was no other reason for my baby to not be growing and that I’d need to stop smoking. I again told him that I didn’t smoke so there must be another reason. He preceded to ignore me and told me that I’d need to come back in 2 weeks and walked out of the room. I was completely devastated because I felt as though I was being blamed for my child’s lack of growth. I set my appointment for two weeks and left where I just cried in the car. I couldn’t even fathom that I had been spoken to that way and I was by myself because my husband wasn’t able to attend the appointment due to Covid protocols.

I went to see my doctor that Monday for my NST where they noticed my BP was elevated. I told my doctor about my appointment and she apologized that I had to experience that. She thought my BP might be elevated due to the stress of that interaction that I had kept to myself over the holiday weekend. However, when they rechecked it, it was even higher. I was sent to L&D immediately to be on the safe side. I was monitored for several hours and my BP didn’t improve. I was hooked to a mag bag and was taken to another hospital via ambulance.

After a long night of being monitored it was determined that I had preeclampsia and would need to stay in the hospital until I reached 34 weeks.

I’ll forever be grateful to the women that cared for me on the Antepartum floor at Sentara Norfolk. I was there for two weeks but had to have a c-section at 33 weeks because my little one was showing signs of distress.

My sweet baby boy spent 3 weeks in the NICU, there were plenty of great nurses who cared for him. There were also some that I didn’t feel comfortable leaving him with. Especially, when they made it obvious how they treated other families in the NICU compared to how they treated mine. But I will say, the great nursing staff definitely outweighed the mediocre ones. But never feel bad for advocating for your child or yourself.

No one wants to be in the NICU sisterhood, but remember it’s not your fault, your body didn’t fail, and it’s okay to not be okay." - NICU Mom, Adrienne