Dear NICU Mama, Christmas has not left you behind.

Dear NICU Mama,

Christmas has not left you behind.

After a silent, early-morning car ride, you park and begin your day. The faint playing of music you hear in the elevator reminds you to give the cafeteria attendant a candy cane from your purse. She covered your morning coffee yesterday (and several times last week) and quite honestly you look forward to seeing her warm smile every morning.

The doors beep and open and you routinely enter that hallway. Depending on the day, it can feel a mile long. Today, it feels quick and light, and you breathe in some hope that today will be a good one.

You approach the sink and begin to scrub. Your hands sting from dryness but you shrug it off — it’s a small sacrifice to keep germs away from the precious one awaiting your arrival.

It’s quiet.

As quiet as a room can be with beeping, ventilators and other medical equipment running throughout the unit. It’s crazy, but sometimes at night when you’re home alone you miss that beeping because it means you’re near your baby.

You find a chair and pull up next to your beautiful fighter and she looks peaceful.

So peaceful.

You know this can change very suddenly so right now you soak it in and stare at her in awe.

You rub your hands together to warm them a bit before you reach through the small opening to softly place your hand on her back. You watch her breathing steady even more as she senses your presence.

How amazing is that? That feeling that your touch can help her. Another reminder of this true blessing.

You don’t know what tomorrow will bring. The word “discharge” hasn’t even entered your conversations with the staff because there have been many unexpected turns on this NICU road.

But today, when the rest of the world is finishing last minute Christmas shopping, preparing food to be shared with family, getting games ready for kids to play... it can be easy to be full of negative emotions.

Anger. Jealousy. Sadness. Loneliness.

And while all of those are so valid and deserving of what you are going through, you choose different feelings today.

Hope. Love. Gratefulness.

For you get to witness incredible strength this holiday season. And you will be given the blessing of never taking this time of year for granted, because you are a NICU Warrior.

You are a NICU mama.

YOU are a blessing.