Meet Hailee
I gave birth to my 4th child 08/25/2017. My daughter Marissa was born at 23 weeks and 2 days. I remember my husband driving me to the hospital trying to prepare me for the possibility that our baby would be born 4 months before her due date. We arrived at the hospital at 9:07am and my daughter was born at 11:38am. Everything was so rushed and happened so fast that I honestly believe I was in a state of disbelief for the first 48 hours. Right after my daughter was born, I was able to hold her for what felt like 5 seconds before she was rushed off.
A memory etched in my mind is seeing my daughter at 1 lb 4 oz inside of an isolette, on an oscillator, with a bili-light. My little girl had grade 4 brain bleeds on both sides and her first few weeks of life were way too eventful and not in a good way. I remember doctors trying to talk with my husband and I about the possibility of my daughter not surviving. I remember them talking about having a discussion with us about whether keeping her alive was actually doing her more harm than good. I remember my daughter’s kidneys failing and the doctor waking me up to tell me that if my daughter did not urinate that she would die. I remember thinking that we couldn’t and wouldn’t make it with all that was happening.
October 1st 2017 we learned that my daughter’s brain bleeds were worsening and that she was going to need surgery. We were transferred from our birth hospital to Children’s and I remember being absolutely terrified. I literally cried my eyes out and did not know what to think or what to expect. I started having panic attacks and I felt like I was barely functioning. Every day I felt like I was preparing myself to lose my baby, but something changed when we were transferred to Children’s. My baby had her first brain surgery, she received a shunt, and slowly she started to get a little better day by day. I spent my days at work, my evenings at home with my other children, and every night at the hospital with my baby girl. One of the psychologists at Children’s knew my routine and she made it a point to come by and see me weekly. She gave me so much hope and encouragement and she was someone I could talk to about all of the things that I was feeling. I didn’t know it then, but I really needed her.
After 118 days my daughter was discharged. She is now 3 years old laughing, loving, and living life. The NICU journey is long and hard. It is an experience that I don’t think anyone asks for but somehow we find a way to fight through it. I volunteer to support other NICU parents because I know and remember how lonely that experience was and I hope to be a source of hope and encouragement for any parents going through the NICU journey.