Having Faith In The Midst Of Trails

Reed was born at 31 weeks 6 days. At 27 weeks I stopped feeling him move. I had planned a home birth again with this pregnancy, but quickly learned that wasn’t going to happen. I went in to the hospital to be monitored and was life flighted to Vanderbilt due to bad readings on the monitor and BPP. It’s weird to say, but I felt a peace as soon as I was being wheeled out of the hospital that everything was going to be ok. I was scheduled for an emergency c-section when I arrived, but the monitor reading had improved and he began to move soon after. During ultrasounds doctors found fluid on Reed and diagnosed him with Hydrops. We were discharged and were making two trips a week for ultrasounds with MFM. A couple weeks later after several ultrasounds they told us Reeds Hydrops had RESOLVED in utero! My amniotic fluid decreased to a 2.5. So I was admitted again and tested positive for COVID, never having symptoms...My fluid was slowly getting better over the next two weeks and he continued to have good movement.

At 31 weeks 4 days they said he was growth restricted less than the 3rd percentile, but my fluid was a 4 and he was head down. Two days later I had 0 fluid and Reed was breech. Doctors mentioned there was a higher risk of a stillbirth if we continued. We decided to go ahead and schedule a c-section because of all the risks. Reed was born December 30, 2020. He was 2 pounds 7oz. And 15 3/4 inches.

March 9, 2021. Day 70: I’m sitting here rocking Reed in his room in the NICU while watching in the hallway a women getting to take her baby home and all I can think is why can’t I take my baby home too? I was here when this baby was admitted not to long ago and now he’s leaving. She gets to sign all the discharge papers, gather all her things, and is walking out with her baby in his car seat to what seems like freedom. She doesn’t have to rock her baby in an uncomfortable chair in a hospital room anymore, she doesn’t have to stay close to her baby’s crib while holding him because the wires and tubes attached to him don’t stretch far enough to go anywhere else, she doesn’t have to worry about if the doctors and nurses are going to come with good news or bad news, she doesn’t have to hear the alerts on the monitors anymore when her baby’s stats are dropping or getting too high, or worry about splitting time between being here to bond with her baby or spending time with her family at home anymore. So why am I still having to ? On the way to the hospital this morning. I was expecting a great day with Reed because the last week has looked so promising. He was supposed to have a room air trial and a swallow study today. I was excited that I was actually going to be able to be here while Speech evaluated him again and would get to see them work with Reed, but instead I walked through the door and Reed had projectile vomited in his swing and everything now is put on hold...again. His oxygen decreased causing the nurse to have to up his oxygen. His heart rate and his respiratory rate increased so now more waiting. Until then I will be my little boys comfort and rock him while trusting God.

Often times we may find ourselves doubting Gods purpose and timing of certain situations because its not how we want things in our lives to play out. We want our way, our timing, and we think we can do it by ourselves. We tend to run to God as a last resort when in fact he should be the first one we go to. Are we truly having faith and trusting that God can do it or are we just praying and coming to him when it’s convenient for us? No matter the trial you’re going through big or small continue to have faith that Gods timing is perfect. The purpose of trials is to strengthen your faith. In the what if’s? Why not me? Why can’t I have that? Why is everything falling apart? Why is waiting hard? Why is life hard sometimes? have hope and trust Gods timing. Trials in life are hard, trying to process things that our out of your control is hard, and staying positive in a world that often times only sees the negative is hard. In the end when everything is done it will be worth it.


1 Peter 1:6-9
“6 In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7 These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire —may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8 Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 9 for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.”