One year later... Meaghan

If someone would have told me a year ago that you’d be the smart, goofy, strong and determined cake smasher you are today I probably wouldn’t have believed them.

One year ago you and I were still together trying to make it just a few extra days. The blame and guilt was setting in. I was terrified and had no idea what NICU life was going to bring us and spent each minute, hour and day taking in our last few moments together before you would make your debut. Thankfully, my fears in those moments were interrupted by your arrival and beautiful cry. You were stable, breathing room air and we were blessed to have your first few minutes of life spent together on my chest. Though I knew we wouldn’t see each other for another 24 hours, my fears and anxieties went away when I realized you were right there fighting along side me. There you were in all your glory... 33 weeks, 4lbs and ready to conquer the world.

Your two weeks in the NICU, though short, paralyzed me in a way I never could have imagined. The day I left the hospital without you broke me to my core. Leaving you every day after that reopened the wound time and time again. I didn’t feel complete unless I was with you, even if it meant hugging and loving on all the wires and monitors too.

The day you came home your amazing NICU nurse warned your Dad and I that you were feisty and a force to be reckoned with. We already knew this, but she wasn’t kidding! We had our obstacles, but never once did I enter a doctor’s office, therapy appointment or evaluation thinking we were up against something you, we, couldn’t handle. Nursing took a while to grasp, but we made it to the 1yr mark! Gross motor is delayed, but you’ve made continuous strides! There is nothing you can’t do.

Today on your 1st Birthday all I can say is thank you and remind you how proud I am of you. You’ve taught me so much already. I always promised myself I’d teach you strength, but the truth of the matter is, it’s you who has taught me. I’ve watched you thrive since your discharge, leaving your adjusted age in the rear view mirror. You’ve grown into the most beautiful and smart little girl, and you’ve made the struggles of our past feel like a surreal and distant memory.

For that, I thank you.
For that, I love you.