You Fight, I Fight...

When I sat tapping my foot impatiently in the bathroom in May 2018 waiting for the results of my pregnancy test, I wasn't sure what was in store for me or what the future would bring. All I knew was when the test showed 'Positive', that I was going to be a Mommy. And I was so ecstatic and surprised as my husband and I were not actively trying to get pregnant. I fully embraced it.

My pregnancy was mostly uneventful and I had very few complications. My Pipsqueak was growing and was on point for his gestation, everything looked great, he was moving like crazy and my next check up would be after Thanksgiving. I was now in the third trimester, the last few months before my husband and I were to meet our little bundle of joy in January.

I went to bed late on November 16th, and woke up hours later having to use the bathroom per usual. When I waddled to the toilet I realized that something wasn't right. I had a trail of water behind me.

We rushed to the local hospital where it was confirmed. At 31 weeks, my water had broken and premature labor was starting. I was shipped to CMC in Charlotte, NC, where they were better equipped for handle the situation. The fear was astronomical. All I could think about was whether or not my child and I would get through it. My labor was thankfully stopped and I had everything explained to me, the medical terms (PPROM), what to expect in the next coming days, and that my child would now have to be delivered by 34 weeks regardless of if we make it that long. He would be going to the NICU right after birth. I prayed hard and gave my little wiggly Pip a pep talk, letting him know he was in for a challenge, and that Mommy and Daddy and his entire family were cheering him on and he was going to win. I coined the phrase "You Fight; I Fight", and told him that every day while we were at the Antepartum Unit on strict hospital bed rest.

Rhonin Alexander was born 10 days after my water broke, at 32+6 weeks gestation. He was a healthy pink, screaming little guy weighing in at 5 lb 5 oz and 18.5 inches long. I had a few moments with him until they whisked him off to the NICU at Levine's Children's Hospital in Charlotte. The next part of the battle was on for us both.

Nothing can really prepare you for seeing your child and other parent's children in temperature regulating isolettes, with CPAP machines or intubated. Wires everywhere. NG Tubes down tiny button noses and alarms constantly going off or beeping. There's no words that can truly describe that awful feeling of utter helplessness you sometimes feel as a NICU parent. All you can do is be there for your child and keep showing support and love the best way you can through the two arm openings of the isolette or through feedings, diaper changes, and Kangaroo Care (which we LOVED).

There's some things you experience and will eventually become a normal occurrence for you in the NICU, things that come with the whole preemie package, like the A's and B's (Apnea's and Bradycardia's). I think I almost had a stroke when I first saw Rhonin go through a Brady episode. There were times I would totally lose it and sob quietly while cuddling my baby close, watching his numbers on the monitors to make sure he was ok, that my Pip wasn't going to stop breathing on me. All I could think about was my poor baby and the struggles he was facing before his time and how it was my fault.

We were extremely lucky that Rhonin didn't need any help breathing or regulating his body temperature. He was a Feeder/Grower. The only issue he had was learning the breathe, suck, swallow reflux and taking full bottles consistently without any episodes. There was a major setback one day where he was almost ready to come home and then choked on a bottle and had a few Brady's, which earned him an extended stay. I broke down, completely devastated and so angry that my child had to experience this, that my body failed us, failed him, and I was terrified that we would lose the battle.

But we kept fighting. And Rhonin kept showing everyone just how determined he was to win.

A little over a month in the NICU, my baby boy was finally ready with no episodes. He passed the car seat test with flying colors, and on January 7th, 2019, we were finally discharged to go home.

As of today Rhonin is a happy, lovable 13 month old whose curiosity has no limit. He's a complete goofball with no health issues and he has caught up to his actual age and is hitting all developmental milestones on time.

It's extremely difficult to be a NICU parent. I wouldn't wish this on anyone and so many other parents and children had a harder fight than we did. However, this experience has taught me that our little preemie warriors are stronger than we can ever imagine, and that we're their best cheerleaders. They work every second to overcome adversity and outgrow their situation. As a nurse once told me "They're not supposed to be here yet, but here they are, working to do the same things full term babies do. That takes a lot, and it takes a lot for you as well Mama to be right here with yours".

If there's anything to take from the NICU Experience, it's to trust your baby, and trust yourself, because you and your child make one heck of a team. Treasure every moment of triumph you both have during this difficult stay and learn from any setbacks. Don't forget to be kind to yourself. This isn't your fault. Your child isn't going through this alone; you're right there with them. And together you will get through this.

The best memory I have of our journey at the NICU was when I snuggled my baby onto my chest on Christmas Eve, rocking him to sleep in the leather chair while humming Christmas songs to him. I would pause and listen to his quiet breathing and then whisper to him "You Fight, I Fight."

-NICU Mama Tasha