One year later from when the craziness of COVID started…I am extremely proud of these twins that they not only fought having the flu, but they also fought having COVID in November. They are rocking toddler life and hitting milestones wonderfully! I am proud of my husband and I and every other parent who has learned to make working from home possible, while also teaching their children. I am proud of how resourceful we have become as a society. But most importantly, I am proud of everyone who has gained more compassion though this experience and can put that to use in helping others, which is why I am here with Project NICU today and the wonderful people I have got to know along the way. Also, as a society, we realized how powerful technology can be and that it is possible to work distantly. This opens up opportunities for so many people, opportunities that weren’t there before.

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The day you came home your amazing NICU nurse warned your Dad and I that you were feisty and a force to be reckoned with. We already knew this, but she wasn’t kidding! We had our obstacles, but never once did I enter a doctor’s office, therapy appointment or evaluation thinking we were up against something you, we, couldn’t handle. Nursing took a while to grasp, but we made it to the 1yr mark! Gross motor is delayed, but you’ve made continuous strides! There is nothing you can’t do.

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Christmas Eve and It was time to deliver. Deanna Nicole was welcomed to this world on Christmas Eve, December 24, 1979, 6 weeks early, weighing in at 3 pounds. As is the case with newborns, her weight would drop to 2 lbs+. How can she survive? She would spend the next 6 weeks in the NICU. I can only describe my anxiety, depression, fear as life altering.

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There is no such thing as a “typical” NICU baby, each and everyone of these miracles have a unique story to share.

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On the day we left you at the NICU, I cried. I cried as I washed my pump parts to pack them. I cried as I put on tennis shoes for the first time since being admitted. I cried as Hunter took our loads of items to the car and I stayed in the room alone, looking out the window and wishing he was already back. I called my mom as I cried because I didn't know what else to do with my feelings and needed someone to hear me and hold the space. That day I cried silent tears, big sobbing tears, tired tears, panicked tears. I cried tears that didn't want to be held and I cried tears that needed someone to hold them. I cried because it all felt so wrong.

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It has been 7 years since our son was born and, thankfully, he is now a healthy, rambunctious first-grader. However, memories of our time in the NICU, with its bright lights and beeping monitors, will last forever. With that in mind, I offer my top three tips for people whose loved ones, friends, colleagues, or neighbors recently welcomed a preemie into the world.

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I also felt like I had no right to call myself a NICU mom because he was only there for 6 days but hearing other NICU stories makes what I went through and felt valid, and I know I’m not alone. I am healing and finding peace one day at a time.

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Being a NICU mom means asking for permission to hold your own baby and being denied at times because the baby had a rough day.

Praying and crying over your sweet baby as he sleeps in an incubator. Not being able to jump up and cuddle your precious baby every time he cries.

Changing diapers through tiny holes in the side of the incubator.

Singing and giving words of encouragement through a small incubator hole so that your baby knows that you're there.

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I never knew just how hard the NICU would be, and how excruciatingly painful it was, until my twins were born 5 weeks early. I knew NICU parents were strong and brave, but until you become one you really don’t understand the magnitude.

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I had a lot of time to think in the hours I spent each day holding and rocking my new baby. I wondered why the little girl in the corner was alone (or at least as alone as a baby can be with such amazing and extensive care). I thought about my own struggle to have a child and how long I'd waited to become a mother. I thought about how my little girl was going to grow up without her Dad, how heartbreaking that was for most people to grasp, and yet here was a little girl who was beginning her life without either parent at her side

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here were no decorations at our house this year, but our small hospital room was overflowing with lights, garland, and decorations. Our Holidays before the hospital were spent going to different houses during the holidays, making different dishes to take, transporting presents, and enjoying the day. This year, we ordered Cracker Barrel and served it on a tablecloth on the emergency delivery table. We ate on paper plates in my hospital room and everyone came to our room in the hospital. Our family expanded while in the hospital with our doctors, nurses, and other staff that we had come to know. It was such a blessing.

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