Read MoreNICU brought us joy and sorrow. Proud moments and discouraging moments. I will ALWAYS be a twin Mama. It doesn't matter that Majik isn't on earth with us anymore. He will always be our son. We will always love him. I've learned that it's okay to not be okay.
Read MoreThe NICU will forever be apart of our lives. Not just with the relationships we made, but for the lessons we learned. Our faith, marriage, and outlook on life were strengthened.
Read MoreThis month is my daughter's 1st birthday. To say that I am in disbelief that this year has gone by so slow in the NICU, yet so fast at home is an understatement. If you asked me almost a year ago if I thought I would make it to this point, I would've looked at you with tear stained eyes and said "I don't know, but I can't lose her."
Read MoreBefore all of this, I never thought I’d be able to lift myself up after enduring such a trauma. But there is no strength like preemie mom strength, and I see the prize every day when I look at my Growin’ Rowan, and as I remember his guardian twin Ezra.
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To all the NICU mama's out there - you've got this. Your discharge date may seem years away but I promise this chapter of your life is temporary and you will be home soon. "Life is tough darling, but so are you"
Read MoreA week after David was born, our preemie received a diagnosis we were not expecting. When my husband and I found out, we were devastated. I went into a panic of ¨what if this¨ and ¨what if that¨. I had thought our NICU journey with David would just be ¨growing and feeding¨, as you often hear in the NICU. I´ll never forget how David´s neonatologist, Dr. Aziz reminded us that this diagnosis is just a diagnosis. He went on to encourage us to focus on loving and cherishing our baby, and spending as much time as we could holding him ´skin to skin´. Dr. Aziz mentioned that he may need some therapies in the future, but many children need therapy no matter if they have been born premature or not. He ended our conversation by telling us that focusing on hope and loving our baby was the most important.
Read MoreMy daughter was born emergency c-section four days after I was admitted to the hospital, by far the scariest best day of my life. We spent the next 56 days battling bradycardia, dsats and eating, an emotional roller coaster to say the least.
We are now almost one year old, I am so lucky to have a healthy baby girl. My heart goes out to all NICU families!
Read MoreWhen I look at this picture, I not only see hope of a new mom knowing things WILL be ok, and the hope of two tiny fighters who never gave up. I will also think of hope and love of wonderful family and friends who still support us to this day.
Read MoreAs the years have passed, each year her due date has arrived with less dread, reminding me less and less of my failure to keep her in. As she has grown, it doesn’t carry the weight it once did. I now realize that the failure wasn’t mine, but something that happened to us. I have been lucky to meet some women who shared similar traumas with their births, and through talking and sharing, I have been able to come to terms with what happened to my daughter, to me, to my family, and to my marriage.
I remember the feelings of fierce love and fear that rushed over me when I saw her laying in her isolette attached to all the wires and monitors. I knew nothing about preemies and this was my first baby. My husband and I hadn’t taken any classes or even picked a pediatrician! Fortunately, the wonderful nurses and doctors were by our side the entire time and were a constant source of encouragement.
Read MoreWhen our son Jude was born full term after a healthy pregnancy, we were shocked when he was rushed to the NICU for incredibly low blood sugar. We had no idea what a long road we were in for in that moment.
Read MoreIt seemed Jude was having problem after problem and no one knew what was going on with him. After 10 days we were transferred to CHOC Orange NICU where we spent another 3 months. Jude went through 3 surgeries and a lung biopsy that showed he had a Childhood Interstitial Lung Disease known as NEHI.
Read MoreI was 36 weeks along and I went into labor.
Upon birth:
I did not hear him cry.
I did not see him.
There was silence and panic in the room all at once.
No one said anything as they wheeled my baby out of the room.
I had a plan. It was not supposed to go this way.
I was not prepared for this.
Read MoreThe months and honestly years to follow is where I was really able to recognize the pain and trauma associated with Harper’s birth and NICU time to understand how it impacted me. I really didn’t talk to anyone except my husband about the events that took place during Harper’s birth or details about our NICU stay because it brought up too many hard emotions. It was so hard to look back at photos from her birth and the littlest things would put me into full panic as if I was living those scary moments all over again in the present even over a year after her birth...that’s when I was officially diagnosed with PTSD. Although that didn’t come as a surprise, it was helpful to understand what I was experiencing was not just typical motherhood worrying or anxiety and could begin to understand how to heal. It definitely made the pregnancy and birth of my second daughter full of anxiety as if I was waiting for something bad to happen again. That experience can leave you stuck in a place of fear and constant worry for your child’s life even when no real danger exists. It can leave you with many unanswered questions like “why did this happen” or “what did I do to cause this to happen” and then as if that’s not enough, you can feel tremendous guilt for not just being able to be grateful you have a healthy baby and move on...even though I am so grateful that it’s actually painful. The guilt created more questions like “why were we so lucky when so many others are not?”. My experience just like many others was totally unexpected and not “normal” in any way...the shock of it all can leave you in a very fearful state long after it’s over.
Read MoreI learned how strong our little girl is and how to advocate when the last thing I was feeling was strong. Everyone’s NICU journey is different but we all can come together to support one another.
